How to Know if You Love Someone

Edited by Natalie, Sondra C, Jack Herrick, Mike Massaroli and 64 others

Those three words—"I love you"—can be the scariest set of words in the English language, and yet we tend to say them all the time. If you're not sure you should be saying them to somebody, then you've come to the right place. We'll help you figure out if you're ready to say them. Read on to find out!

Steps

1. 
   What does your gut tell you? Be honest with yourself. If your first reaction is "Self, what kind of question is that? Of course I love him/her!", then you're on the right track. Similarly, if your first reaction is more along the lines of "Um, well, it's complicated.", then hold off on saying the words. You might just be "in like," or perhaps "in lust." Both have their places, but they're not love.
   
   
2. 
   Be objective. Yes, it's not easy to take your "self" out of the equation, but try. Think about what you like about them. Is it their brilliant smile, their impeccable taste, or their ease with people? Whatever the reason for your love may be, write it down in a journal. Write as long as a list as you can.
   • Be critical, too—nobody's perfect, not even your crush. Note what things don't work for you. Maybe that unibrow puts you off, or they have a sense of fashion that went out of date in middle school. Noting their deficits shouldn't be seen as trying to scare yourself out of possible love—only that it will toss a little cold water on your ardor, and let you think a little clearer about what it is that you do like.
   • Evaluate your list. Is it too long or too short—on either side of the equation? If it is too short, you need to go back and think a little more. You cannot truly love someone if you do not know them or can't think of much good to say about them. If the list of negatives is too short, and filled with trivial things like toothpaste tubes and the kind of car they drive, it's not love.
3. 
   Consider how you think and feel when you are around them. Do you feel nervous? Excited? Does your heart beat a little faster, the sky seem a little brighter, and cares seem a lot less important? Emotions like that are often a sign of love.
4. 
   Observe how you act with them when you are around other people. Do you stay close to them? Or drift? If you stay close—too close—that might be more a sign of infatuation or neediness, not love. Similarly, if you tend to drift away, you may simply find their presence comforting and pleasant, but not really necessary—and not really love. However, if you drift in and out of each other's spheres, and talk to other people but keep shooting looks across the room at each other (and feel a thrill each time you do so), you're probably looking at love with long-term potential.
5. 
   How do they feel? It is true that they could love you and you not feel the same, or vice-versa, so you need to think about whether or not you really love them or if they are just triggering sympathetic feelings.
6. 
   Tell the person how you feel. You don't have to say The Words directly—you can say that you're thinking this could happen, and you are excited to feel this way with them. Say you are on a quest to discover your feelings for them and let them know your progress.
7. 
   Imagine how you would feel if you lost them. You will know you love someone if you feel protective over them and if you feel protected by them. You will feel like you won't let anything happen to them and you will feel like you don't ever want anyone to take them from you.